Getting there!!!

Things are slowly panning out. It's still hard to adjust but I'm getting a long so much better. I still am busy as hell.....doing 10 - 12 hours most days. It's not easy working at Zeta. It's hard work. It seems all the old staff are getting their time off while me and Hayden work our asses off to fill in the gaps. I guess its because they really didn't have much freedom before we started. Their holiday time .It's bloody hard doing all these hours. At least The cocktails are getting easier to remember now. Only because I'v made a few of them. There are still some that slip my mind. Thinking about this Saturday is scary. Last saturday was full on man. I thought they were joking when the boys said, and I quote "The whole of the west come out to party". Seriously no class at all. Some people were fun. But Honestly I have never seen or heard of that many wet pussies, mojitos, chivas and coke, vodka lime sodas,beers, and wine being served at a cocktail bar. I always wondered where all the lebos go clubbing. ZETA BAR ULEH!. The DJ played good music though :D!

Jenny has been on my mind a lot lately. Well she always is. But more than usual which means an extreme amount of thinking of her in particular is taking place. I think its because when I'm at Zeta bar I miss her. Even now, spending the rest of the evening on my own after seeing her all day. I just cant stop thinking of her. If my mind is not occupied with HON or watching some stupid shit on youtube. I'm thinking of her. I cant understand it but I think I need her to keep me on my feet. I always knew she was good for me. Teaching me to read again, write again, save my money, think about the future, organise my time, and not play so many games. I don't think its about losing her. Well I hope not. She's what I will come to call, my fallback pillow. Like I kinda feel like I'v fallen hard on my ass but she was there to cushion my fall hahaha. What a legend she is :D! my best friend. Trust is hard to find. Gaining my trust is even harder. I shouldn't be so sceptical. But I can't help it. Last time I trusted someone, they accused me of disrespect then slapped me like a bitch. Anyways. It's nice to have a girlfriend who is your best friend. Who can read you like a book. Smile at you and hug you even though you just spent the last 2 hours ranting in disgust about Harry Potter in which she grew up loving. And still persevering to convince you of its merit. (Its never going to happen) .
I remember ages ago I told her something like:

There are the ones who walk side by side.
There are the lovey dovey ones who hold hands.
Then there are the keen ones like us who bear hug each other right down the street.

We are close to our two year mark and still bear hugging each other....making everyone sick. But what will I do without her. Being without her makes me sick in the stomach. I don't like to think too much but lately that has relayed over and over and over in my mind. This is what I was talking about when I was saying that I think about her even more. I'm scared of the outcome of losing her. I guess this way of thinking has its negative connotations but by all means I think this way only because It's my odd twisted way of appreciating what I have. Truth be told, in the scenario that I had never met her, I would be far worse. There is not another person on this planet like her. And if you think I'm wrong. Well.....you don't know her like I do. The way she is in front of me. Is different to the way she is in front of anyone else. I notice things about her she doesn't even realise. And there are the things about her i guess she might not know or rather choses not to acknowledge that I see in her. I'm not the smartest man on this planet. But the best thing I know is seeing a good person. There is not a bit of hate in that girl. Her nature knows no such thing. (Maybe she hates her boss at work LOL who we'll See next tuesday). LOL Iv never heard her use such a nasty word to describe someone LOL. But she is hate free. She's understanding. And kind to everyone. Where there is a problem. She'll always try to resolve it in the most mature, sensible and logical means possible. Something I never do.......and last of all she loves me unconditionally.
This may be too soon to say but one day I was working on the bar and met a couple. They would have been in their 60's. The wife was lovely but the man was grumpy as hell. The whole time he complained about the hotel, the chair he was sitting in. Even the weather outside and the dinner they ate. He was nice to me. He even thanked me for the martini but god he was a grumpy ass. The wife was so sweet. She did most of the talking. Consoled me about her husbands grumpiness. But even though he was difficult she had a strange smile being with him. Like she saw something in him no one else could see. She kissed him and hugged him while they were over by the window. They talked. I don't know what about. Even heard the old man laugh a little bit. I went over to ask them if everything was okay. And yet again the wife was sweet but the husband kept that same grumpy frowning face he had the whole night the minute I laid eyes on him. I figured he was a grumpy bastard and wasn't happy with his marriage or something. But still....The wife was so happy...and even made him laugh. When they left they were holding hands. The wife said bye but Mr. grumpy husband walked out silent.
I didn't think much of that situation until a few months back when Jenny was talking to me about old couples who still hold hands. And how she found it endearing. It kinda hit me all of a sudden but thinking of that couple kinda made me think of me and Jenny. Just that a lot of people see me as a grumpy bastard, rude, angry, sometimes even a bit of an ass hole. But then to see how Jenny treats me. The people who I am mean to wouldn't understand why Jenny loves me so much would they?. Thats what I think I really saw in that old couple. Thats what I want. Someone to love me even when I grow up to be a grumpy old bastard no one likes. I want Jenny to be that someone. Like I said, It may be too soon to say. And I'm not that all too grumpy just yet LOL. But I love her and Hope to be with her if not forever.....at the very least A VERY VERY VERY LONG LONG LONG TIME.


*stares at his Mac, Big ass T.V., Playstation 3, XboX360 and his PC* I'm not spoiling myself am I??

Mol3 s2.