These two weeks have been quite tough for me. I'v made a few mistakes. And once again I am stuck hating myself for the choices I have made. The mistakes I have done. I am quite sad for what I have done. I'm moving on as best as I can. Again that sentance in my mind. "Why the fuck do you let things get out of control when it doesnt have to be". Why cant I just handle these kinds of things in a more logical manner. But anger takes controll of me, then the mistakes follow after. I dont think i was wrong. I had every right to be angry. But i was wrong to take it to that extent. Why oh why do i take these things for granted just to satisfy my anger. I know my promises dont mean much these days but...I know what I need to do to prevent these kinds of things. I need to stop drinking. slowly but surely....i promised myself to stop.
Its now in the past. And life is good once again.
I thought I was going to be in blu bar forever. I felt like my skills were going to waste. I felt like there wasnt any light at the end of the tunnel. I told myself to be patient. Kim always told me. Good things happen to good people. I dont beleive that. Never did. I remember when he said that to me. I was quiet. Truth is. Good things happen to those who are patient. Those who work hard. And those who give it a go. You have to try. A little butt head tought me that. Shes smarter than she thinks. But im fine with that aslong as atleast im giving her credit for it. Atleast someone recognises it. Funny enough I think im not the only one that thinks so. Well I finally got the call from Zeta followed by a job offer. Not only that....i thought star city would never hire me. But i gave it a shot and now they want an interview and are impressed with my resume. The phone interview was very pleasent. All i have to do is give them a day and time to meet for an interview. But if I do get the job. I'm left with a dilema of where I should go! ZETA for experience and loyalty or STAR CITY for more money, Higher class celebrities, a flashy highlife and glory. LOL. Only downside is i feel ill be letting KIM down for all his hard work for trying to get me into Zeta. Not only that But i have only him to thank for my job. For being a bartender, for giving me a chance when i was nothing but a glass washer. I wonder if he saw potential in me. Or was it just a random gesture of kindness because of all my hard work. Hmm....i wonder. I feel like Its time for me to rise up to my friend and give back what he has been giving me. Follow him and see where this will take us once again. Jenny wants me to atleast consider Star city. But i truely feel like im not ready to break any bonds yet for money and glory. Besides I'm still deciding which bar i should go to. What do I do. I wonder how the boys are going to react when I break the news that im leaving. I hope Tristan is alright with it. But the ride is just too long. Its not fun anymore. I'm sure he feels the same. I can see his candle barely flickering with light...its just a matter of time before it burns out. Hes better off somewhere where they pay him good money for less work. No doubt he could do it.
I'm Learning how to sing and play Tomorrow by Silverchair on my bros guitar :D! This song is one of my all time favourites as being of an older generation, was released when i was growing up. I feel nastalgic everytime i hear it. It reminds me of my long bus rides to school. It reminds me of waking up on a Sunday to Video hits and listening to it as the No.1 hit on the count down. :). It reminds me of family BBQs and long drives to Wagga Wagga. It reminds me of Toys R Us. My dad used to bring me and my brother there once every month to pick a new toy when we were good! I remember having batman, Warplanets, Power rangers and my Bad boy hat which i never took off even when i was indoors. It was good being a kid. Thinking about those days makes me so happy ^_^. I guess this is why I love that song so much. It helps me remember. I remember when all that changed entering highschool and loosing that child like innocence as all of a sudden everything became so grown up. Responisbilities, Education, Career, Sex, Partying....none of which I was concerned with when I was a small child. haha hell i could remember when i first learned how to do a wheely on my bike. I remember I was the only kid that could climb to the top of the tallest tree in my street. Fuck it was a massive tree...i dont think i could do that anymore. Just thinking how dangerous it would be. Thats the problem, sometimes your so caught up in your awareness of danger or risks that it stops you from living life and doing things that you would have done as a kid. Living life. Thats the kind of freedom only kids experience. Doing what you want without a care in the world. Being a kid is probably as free as any of us are really going to ever feel. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way. There are other ways of feeling free aswell though. Even if its only for a briefe period away from work and obligations. Like spending your time off with the one you love. Or playing one of your favourite songs on the guitar. I love that mindless trance you fall into when your doing something that reminds you of good times. This is how I remember what it was like to be a kid.
I'v Got a new addiction! LOL.....ZOMBIE HIGHWAY LOL!....im so addicted....seriously there is just something about smashing zombies to death while driving down a highway that really gets me LOL. i think i might film myself to see exactly how retarded I look when i play it. I can feel my whole body move when im trying to make a sudden turn in the game LOL. Yeah i am one of those people who move their entire body when they play racing car games LOL Fail. LOL you should see me play CS I fully duck when i play First person shooters LOL!.
I'v been watching a lot of movies lately :D! I watched Kung Fu panda which made me fucking cry LOL! And i just finished watching sucker punch. OMFG AMBER FTW ANYONE?? YES? NO? i say HELL YES shes an absolute babe LOL!. Anyways the movie is every guys fantasy. 5 hot babes blowing shit up with guns and slaying dragons with samurai swords LOL. The movie makes no real sense apart from what it leaves for you to interperate.
LOL i really hate how dominos pizza is just too convenient!Thanks Jenny for showing me how easy it is to order pizza with a credit card LOL ...I had pizza for Brunch and Dinner...GG with a few packets Of MSG inbetween :( Looks like im going to have to clean up my act starting tomorow! Gotta try and be a tad bit healthier....a tad bit... LOL...
Anyways. Its getting late and i feel the need for a game of Dota LOL....
Gmornin! :D!
Mol3 s2.
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