I guess i have hit the end of my tether. The other day i almost had a mental break down when I came to the realisation that sometimes im too nice. Letting everything ignorant slide past my mind. Im not gonna say I know whats right and whats wrong but there comes a time when you know your saying something incredibly ignorant. And to think of what kind of person youd have to be to just be ignorant and not realise it, saddens me. But to be a better by myself and by those who know me...I gotta let it SLIDE..... >_>;...im not talking about any of my friends or family or even friends I had up untill 2 days ago...im just saying in general.
As for losing a friend two days ago. Well thats just some bullshit. Lots of questions about pride are thrown around. But in the end there is no pride if you've gained nothing but a bad feeling in your heart and your mind. I did what I could and was not heard. He did what he was capable of while extreamly intoxicated and dissorientated (Which was not enough..or sensible at all). But in all truth it started from me. Being disrespectfull to his beliefs and also for being fed up with his childishness. It was my fault for even having an opinion and reacting on it when he was trying to start a fight with his own friends about moral respect for a stranger. Its ironic that hes angry at me for hitting him over the head softly and telling him to calm down and sit down when he was going to start a fight with his other freind. He held in that anger and waited to explode at me infront of a good crowd of maybe 40 people watching our whole group act like a bunch of fucking drunk little boys in the front of a club. He slaped me like a bitch infront of everyone. He slaped me so hard in the face that my head hurt and i got a little dizzy. But nothing could discribe the heart break i felt inside me when I just felt like breaking his neck.
That fucking dirty smile he gave me....that whole night. Like he was happy for what had gone down that night. Happy for ruining everyones night. The worst pain i feel is that he thinks he had revealed my true coloures. Like in truth, That im a bad bad person and i hide that underneath a friendly smile. I tried to talk some sense into him and ask him why hes pushing all his friends away? He couldnt answer me. He knows thats the truth and all he can do is ask me what happens from now? I'v never felt so much dissapointment in a friend for a long long while. I was so sad for him that all i could do was just walk away from him with nothing said. I just find it funny that he was so drunk that the whole time i was telling everyone to calm him down and try get him home. He accused me of bitching behind his back like i was telling everyone he was a cunt or something.
The only two regrets i have is that maybe i should have said something instead of walking away without saying anything. And that He would even try bring my girlfriend into this. I dont like manipulation at all.
"I Tried" is that implying that i started this fight and he was trying to talk some sense into me?.....iv been thinking about that line since the day he sent that to everyone.....it makes me sooooooooooooo fucking angry because he didnt try. Fighting with all your friends, Slapping your friend in the face with all your streangth and making him look like a bitch isnt trying. Trying to fight strangers on the street while trying to resolve an escalated situation is not trying. Asking me if i think im better than his mother is not trying. Trying to make me feel guilty for telling him to calm down is not trying.WTF DID HE TRY? TO PISS ME OFF?.....hes so lucky, coz we'll all regret the day someone actually does piss me off.
I dont fucking hate him. But i have no choice but to.
I wasnt sure if i wanted to blog such a personal matter but I guess it makes me feel a bit better now that its out of my head and in a box. I spent the whole of today just chilling out. I know for sure im done with clubbing with the boys. The last thing I want in my life is petty drama and thats what happens in these kids lifes. Im not a fucking kid anymore even though im only 23. I feel like i can do without a lot of immature shit that people my age have to deal with. I just dont want it. Instead Iv got my life with my girl to think about. And thats enough to make me happy for the rest of my life.
Im so lucky to have her. I hope everyone realises what a good guy I am because of her. Otherwise you'd know a very different Chad today. I know this for sure because shes the only one that calms my anger. Which i have alot of. Before i'd just channel the anger into trying to prove everyone wrong. But now I have nothing to prove. All i have to prove are the good times im having right now which make me happy. And the only hard work I want to do is strive to accomplish new things with her. Not Fight hard to keep friends who make my life so much harder.
I miss her.
Thought of the day: I tried to take those pics down from my wall but i cant deny the
fun i had.
Mol3 s2
1 comment:
hey honeybunch .. it's always tough when you lose a good friend, it's the same feeling you have with a break up, because that's basically what it is. Your mate didn't have any right whatsoever to put his hands on you, no matter what. No excuse for that, no matter how drunk a person is. After all the fights I've had with my mates (and you know there's been plenty) I've never once touched them. Granted, if you did say something to offend him by all means, he had a right to be offended, but not take it to that extreme. You tried to make it right and that's what counts.It was his choice to react and behave like a douchebag. You did the right thing by walking away and not playing that game.
PS: Whoever it is, is VERY fucking lucky I wasn't there. You know I get down for you boys lol it's always been like that.
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