Wow i guess its been a long time since iv posted anything....and for good reason. Hmm...its just that i feel like its not worth or more like, no point writing about negative things when all i have to say about myself is something bad.
I don't want to have to do the huge confession blog....but things are getting a bit worse yet again. Iv reverted to old habits again. I need to stop it....its 7:15 in the morning and i haven't slept yet. I'm spose to be having a long day today with my miss and her friend. How can i do this to her....my own irresponsibility has lead me into this stupid situation and I guess i don't know how i should feel. Truth? I FEEL SHIT!....SHIT TIRED....SHIT DRUNK!....AND FILTHY AND SWEATY....not a good image right? DW....ima have a shower right after this entry. I guess right now your thinking...."WTF this guy is retarded" i wouldn't blame you...at the very least im sure your a bit confused on the subject all like "WTF are u on about".... Well..to put it short....
Iv been drinking excessively for the last 2 weeks. Maybe i hide it well? Maybe there's a few little things i do that shows it clearly. If its any conciliation, I don't drink on my own. Its actually the influence of work colleges. But that's no excuse as to why i wouldn't just say "No"....but its harder than u think. I had a good long think about it yesterday. I guess it stems from work related stress....combined with a few family issues...and other stuff....Fucken.....i prolly need to go to an AA meeting lol..and having said that...I guess.....im going to ban alchoholism from myself...I cant really promise anything but only that i will try my hardest to stay away. I guess creating an incentive for myself is in order. something i can reward myself with!.
Its really sad because when i go out drinking after work. It seems that all people want to talk about is problems at work....Its doing my head in so badly. I almost always leave the pub a bit depressed and pissed off at everyone. btw Tonight i was called egotistical. WOW...i never really pictured myself as egotistical. But apparently that's how I seem to most girls I work with. Or maybe just one...Its now made me question whether or not my attitude to some women is really self centered.......I think they get the wrong message from me when i ignore them...but in truth...I do it for their own sake and mine. Same goes for guys. Im just like that...I go quiet and don't say anything around anyone. Even if im a loud mouth to everyone else....just to keep myself safe and out of trouble....i just dont talk to the people if i know i don't have nothing nice to say.
Anyways im fucking tired....and i know when i wake up...im going to regret writing this post...but better out than inside eating my good will.
Sleep time :(
Thought of the day: Uhghghghghg.....
Mol3 s2
1 comment:
wtf .. you are one of the VERRRRYY LAST people I would ever label as egotistical !! you're one of the most down to earth people I've ever met !! whatever female is saying that about you probably has an attitude problem herself and just can't hack it..
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