Ph34R Death...

Today i found out my bubu Peter died....

He died on monday...

My mum is such a strong women. She kept it all in till today just so i could enjoy my bday. She says shes okay but i can see shes not. I comforted her as much as i could before i had to go to work. Seeing your mum cry is never a good thing :(. I dont know how to feel myself. I'll never know how to deal with death but someday i will have to wake up and understand that some things are not forever. Today was very hard. For some reason i was just thinking of everything negative. I spose it could be a build up of things but it all came into focus at once in my mind. Thinking about my family, thnking about losing my friends, thinking about not knowing what is in my future and if people will be by my side. I donno, I was in a downish mood. I guess im glad that today was quite buisy at work otherwise i would have cried or something :(...One thing im scared of is..Hmm..well thats abit too personal to talk about. But that is definatly on my mind....
There is one thing on my mind in particular which i guess i cant really forgive. And that is those who say they will help my mum. So many of my family think its just so convenient to just say to my mum "Well if you need help. We are here" But dont even bother to call her to tell her some bad news like her father is sick. I love my family but fuck them. They shouldnt make fake promises and act like its all good. Its not good. My family is fucked up in so many ways. The truth is we all just avoid the problems, smile in front of each other and act like there is no problems. I just hope my mum knows she can rely on her sons. Iv always been here for her and always will be. Maybe someday i will be further away but that wont change a thing. Id still stay in touch and come visit. Im here for everyone that knows me and the shit i say, i dont take for granted. It comes with my ability to not rely on anyone...because i dont need anyones help. I apreciate all the help i can get though and on some good occasions ^_^ i love my family for trying to do what little they can. But we cant all just walk around like we all get along. Anyways i dont want to get into it. These are the things that make me angry though....
My thoughts are with my mum...and my poor bubu Abae..i will try my best to make sure my mum atleast can see her before she passes...
Im sure my grandfather would have loved to see his last born daughter before he left. But unfortunatly life isnt that simple. I just hoped he knew how much my mum actually loved him no matter how far and long it has been since they last saw each other. Its sad but this is life.
Its funny though because i was thinking about what people would think of if they knew they were nearing thier last moments of life. My cousin Zara told me something that made me really sad. It was about my nana on my dads side. Id never think exactly how much my nan actually thought about me and my brother. But apparently in her old age all she thought about were her grandchildren. Its nice but i havent seen my grandma in like 10 years or something. Apparently she had all these pics of her grandchildren and amoungst them all the majority were pictures of me and my brother. It just goes to show that no matter how far or how long its been...she still thought of me and my brother....and im sure it would have been the same for my Bubu and my mum. >_<;...
Anyways all i want to do is push time ahead so it can be sunday already...I just want to see Jenny...just because i know ill be happier. Right now i miss her more than anything...and although I know the future is commonly regarded in a pessimistic way...especially for relationships....i wont lose faith. I just want it to be sunday....

I think iv been thinking abit too much this week....just wanna rest my mind for a second.Im not sad or anything...im actually quite happy..Life is good ^_^ i have good friends , a good g/f, and my family is good apart from our recent loss....

Bleh...i hate when i get in these moods LOLZ i think of the most depressing story lines...I was contemplating writing a story about a man who saves a little girl from a house fire but suffers some hoorrible 3rd degree burns to the side of his face and body. He is a hero and as time passes it is forgotten. Sadly people only see the outside. And thats his melted and deformed skin. He is seen as a monster to the neighbourhood kids, and the adults think he is some sort of wierdo, or pedo or something like that lol...eventually no one knows hes a hero. The morals of the story are more surrounded by questioning social morality i spose...not trying to sound smart LOLZ...but i know what that means lol..anyways.

fuck this is a long post!...im going to post some pics of my Bubu Peter..later on...i totally forgot... my name is Chadwick Peter Choulai...named after him :).

R.I.P. Bubu...

Thought of the day: Hurry up sunday.

Mol3 s2